mcmahon.

Mar 24

http://www.psychofactz.com/

Lmfao. This explains everything!

Feb 15

life.

I feel like I have a monkey on my back and my life is on auto pilot. Everyday wake up and think about her. I don’t know if she thinks about me. It’s a damn shame that I missed my chance. I still feel like there is something there and I can be with her. Why am I writing this you say. It’s because I need to get it off my chest and over it. Do I care if anyone is following me or even reading this? No. Short and simple. I feel like I need change, someone I can share everything with. Be there for me when I feel this way. Depressed? I hope not. I say that because I’m unsure. Always the same thing on my mind. How can I get another chance to talk to her. Did I not try hard enough? Probably. It always happens to me. The good guy in the beginning, get to know them, then never take a chance. This needs to change and I need to get out of this stupid slump that helps no one. Regrets will be the death of me. Will I feel better after writing this? Most likely, not. Seems that I will always have the same feelings for her. I need to talk to her. She was so easy to talk too. Down to earth arabic girl. She’s beautiful and smart. I loved how we could just talk about anything at work. She was the reason why I enjoyed going to work. Just to see her smile when I walked in the door. She was a cheerleader. When there was no customers in the store she would always dance because it’s something she loved to do. She was majoring in psychology. We always played mind games with each other. Sometimes I would just smile at her and she would smile back. Such a beautiful smile. I try to imagine her smile but it seems to be fading. Her smile is my gasoline. Without it my tank will just continue running toward empty. I need to fill my tank up. Does it make me weird that I talk about a girl that I’ve never even went out with? I don’t care if it does or doesn’t. I’m just being myself and expressing my feelings. Is that wrong? Life is about expressing yourself. If you can’t express the way you feel or what you love, I never want to be right. To summarize all of this gibberish, I miss her. I want her back in my life. I know it’s going to be hard but if everything was easy I would be a millionaire by now.

“Nothing in your life is worth doing if it’s easy.” - Jay Fresh

It’s a quote I heard in “The Delta Project” by Jay Fresh. It really stood out because it made me think about how life is not easy. If it was easy I would just give up on everything. It makes me reflect on my past and look at all of the decision’s I have made to get where I am today. A soldier. A son. A man with the rest of his life to live. Yes, I going to make some tough decision’s but is that not what life is about? Fighting for what you love.

Sometimes I just sit around and write down how I feel about her and just rap on instrumentals. It seems to calm me down a bit but she still invades my mind.

She’s amazing…

Brandon